Just Fed is Best

Pic: Me pumping while baby is in the NICU. NICU band and peep those sexy disposable undies haha

When breastfeeding your child isn’t an option.

I would like to first acknowledge as a Breastfeeding Consultant that yes breastfeeding does provide great nutrients and is immune boosting for the baby. When and always you’re eating well and keeping hydrated. Breastfeeding has been going on for as long mammals have been in existence. As women we are built for this or are we all built equally? We know the benefits we know as women; it’s what we ought do were born to do. Right ?!

We know women who breastfeed and the ones that don’t. We know the mom shammers and the one’s that boast around it like it’s an golden-seal of motherhood. This is just something natural and normal that has been done for ever. Calm those tatas haha. We know the struggle is real and in these times where women hold on or more jobs and have more than one child sometimes within the same here (cough cough) it is a great achieved breastfeeding your child. You feel you’re providing for your child the cream of the crop. We see it all the time. Breast is the best slogan.

Well ….

What about the mothers who don’t and can’t?

For whatever the reason is: she’s a working mom, she’s on medication, can not produce enough breast milk for her baby, depressed and she simply can’t, busy and can’t hold a feeding schedule. Whatever the reason is when you are asked “why aren’t you breastfeeding” there is judgement and shame in the other person's eyes men and women.

When I had my first child I tried my hardest to breastfeed. I tried shakes, natural pills, teas and just couldn’t pass that 4oz mark using both breasts! So I had to supplement with formula. Till I gave up after three months of struggling. My first child and I didn’t know what I know now and my family wouldn’t actually help other than make it seem a sits something easy and natural. My second child wasn’t so lucky. Being in the NICU and not having a baby with me made breastfeeding even harder. 10 cc I came to make both breasts interesting. I was told to take a picture and look at it when you’re pumping. I mean it is hard enough the baby is not home with me. I am here pumping worrying and now have to look at a picture. Then “pump as if the baby was home” but the baby is not. Not only did the trauma of delivering a child (a blog post about this soon) and walking out empty handed wasn’t enough, breastfeeding was creeping up. I saw a lactation nurse. With her help I got to pump a little more but what I found interesting was that she recommended me to a specialist. For kicks and giggles I gave it a try. I was first asked if I had implants. I laughed and said “my small breast I would have asked for my money back”. What I was told is that there is a possibility based on how my breasts are far apart that will make it difficult to breastfeed. She continued with saying she can prescribed me medication to help with this. Which I didn’t not take. Does it not defeat the purpose? At that point I made the decision of formula after my premie took donors breastmilk.

My baby used donor breast milk for the first 7 days along with my small micro amounts. So this got me thinking of the whole it takes a village saying. Way back in the day there were women who would breastfeed the babies if one of the mothers couldn’t. Wet nurses where a thing back in the day. Is it weird to ask? “Hey do you have breast milk to spare”?

Women are pressured to breastfeed and when we don’t we are looked at as not being a fit mother or lacking. It is even worse when it’s a discussion among your family and friends about your discussion to bottle feed.

A mother’s decision should be respected when it comes to feeding her child. I will never forget the amazing conversation in my living room among my family members and friends about feeding my baby. I get it it’s like I say about miscarriage some women just never experienced it so I understand the naïve woman and men on this subject.

I have spoken to mothers that simply do not breastfeed because they’re so depressed they can’t produce milk. For those mothers that work stressful or demanding jobs. The mothers who just don’t want to deal with the sore cracked nipples because it causes all this pain. The mothers who just didn’t try because they don’t want to limit themselves, or simply don’t without any excuses. It’s okay. You owe no one an explanation or apology. Do not feel guilty when whipping out that formula, and bottle with purified water. Shake that bad boy and feed the heck out of your child proudly without guilt. Don’t let the mom shammers and the judgmental folks get in your head. You birthed live give yourself grace. It’s OK to feed formula to your baby.

This is not to say I’m against breastfeeding I actually suggested and encourage it to my clients. As a breastfeeding consultant I am aware of all the benefits, struggles, solutions, and tricks on breastfeeding. I applaud the mothers who do breastfeed exclusively and do not judge the moms that don’t or can’t. I have family members who are very supportive and an amazing thank you to my cousins who is a huge breast feeder advocate, but have never made me feel like I am less. Women need to be supportive of one another and we can not bring each other down. Motherhood is hard this is not the time to bring each other down. We have been trained and conditioned to compare ourselves. As mamma's we need to be better to one another and to ourselves give one another support.

So please before you judge mothers for choosing which way to supply nutrients to their child. It’s a choice each woman has. We are all working through this journey and you are doing an amazing job!